At each age and for each child individually there is a limited circle of affairs with which he can handle himself. All the tasks that he can perform with the participation of an adult or not accessible to him in general are outside of this circle.
For example, a child can remove toys himself. But he still can not independently organize all the affairs that he does during the day. Therefore, parents constantly say: “Eat first, and then ...”, “It's time to get ready to go for a walk ...”, etc. In order to make it clearer, you need to draw one circle inside the other. In the small circle, we define the cases with which the child can cope on his own, and the area between the borders of the small and large circle is matters that the child can do only with adults. Tasks outside the large circle of the child can not do even with adults.
According to L. S. Vygotsky, as the child develops, the range of tasks that he begins to perform independently increases due to cases that he previously could only do with the elders, and not those that lie outside the two circles. That is, tomorrow the child will be able to do what he did with dad today, precisely because it was “with dad”. The business zone that a child does with an adult is a gold reserve, its potential for the near future. Therefore, L. S. Vygotsky called it the zone of proximal development.
A child with whom parents were engaged a lot will develop faster, feel more confident, more successful, more prosperous than a child who is left to himself. Often the children ask us themselves: “Play with me,” “Take me with you.” They know very well what they need at the moment, so if there is an opportunity, do not deny the child.
Often parents complain that they do not have time to engage with the child. It turns out that they have more important things to do. In this case, it must be remembered that we choose the order of importance of affairs. It is only worthwhile to realize that it takes much more time and effort to correct the loss of parenting. If your participation in the child’s activities does not help him, then pay attention to how you treat him. Without a friendly, warm tone in communicating with a child it is very difficult to maintain good relationships for joint activities. It is better to keep the position on an equal footing.
L. S. Vygotsky believed that it was easier and faster for a child to learn, to organize himself and his affairs, if he was helped by external means. It can be notes, pictures for reminders, schemes. These are not words of an adult, but their replacement. The child uses them on his own, and then he is halfway there to cope with the affairs himself.
You can draw together with your child a sequence of actions, for example, what to wear for something, going for a walk, how to organize a daily routine, a sequence of obligatory affairs in the evening. Children love this way of learning, quickly learn and become more independent.
One mother told me that she could not teach the child to dress independently, then they together with him drew pictures, looking at which, it was clear what you should wear. The child, wearing the first thing, ran to the pictures, searched for the next thing with his finger, ran to put it on, ran to the list again to look for another thing. There was peace in the family, the child was extremely busy.
Classes with children provide great benefits not only to children, but also to adults, because as a result, they in return receive a strong relationship for life.
Source: Yu. B. Hippenreiter, “Communicate with a child. How?"